This is my first post in roughly six months and it seems poignant to track where I've reached in that 6 months. I often say,
"If we lose track of who we were, we never really know who we are."
I know I stopped writing for a reason, but I'm glad to say, painful as it was, (painful enough to forget) that I now feel past that hurdle and ready to share again. Looking back though is an important part of planning your route forward, and finally after a year (almost to the day) life has turned right around. On a personal level last year, in honesty, was probably my most disastrous yet. In all 28 of them, I was sucked out by a rip-tide of bad decisions and even worse disaster recovery.
But it would seem that so much can happen in six short little months. I've almost lost count of how many people I know are having or have had babies, I have already had four wedding invitations for this summer and despite being in logistical chaos (redecorating) I'm surprisingly laid back about it.
Its amazing how every person we pass in the street, sit next to on the bus or behind in the line at starbucks has something that has probably hurt them today. Has had someone who did something bad to them, and probably did something bad to someone else too, however insignificant or unknown it might have been. We can't all be perfect, ever. Those who think they are, stop reading this right now!
I've mentioned this site before, but it never fails to make me smile, and remind me of the struggle, pain and love we all feel every second of every day...
My all time favourite....
Is it age? Acceptance of domestication? Resignation?! Those who have known me the longest have said they have seen marked differences in my attitudes, and my appearance of overall levels of happiness. Should I tell them I have regular valium?! Is that a bad thing at all?
Still seems our moods, our true feelings and our inner most thoughts are not widely acceptable everyday conversation. Its no easy conversation telling a close friend or even a work colleague that you're struggling with "stuff". I still can't work out why. And I still don't have any answers for a relative or friend on the receiving end either.
All I can say is, "This too shall pass" I don't know where it goes or comes from, and I don't know when or if it will come back, but as a resounding and regular sufferer of anxiety, panic, stress and depression.... 6 months can feel like a whole lifetime away.