Its been exactly one month since I lost my phone and due to the extremely unhelpful people who I take my mobile phone insurance out with contesting the authenticity of my phone, I am STILL without one.
I am an iPhone addict, I love everything about it, and being often feel it keeps me in the loop of normal society and the broad strokes of every day life. The first few days, (I lost it New Years Eve) I was too hung over to care too much. By the end of the first week, I thought I should begin the ball rolling assuming it would be a simple phone call, and they would pop me a new one in the post... HA! How wrong I was.
Micheal, (I pictured him thin, gangly, stale and pale, with cheap clothes and slightly greasy hair, and most likely only had sex twice) instructed me that he frankly hedidn't believe I had done everything in my capability to not lose it, and therefore was going to deny my claim! His tone was unbelieveably snotty... Probably aggravated by my pressing questions to him such as,
"Is that a computer generated response given certain data, or is that just your personal opinion?"
Curt response back to this being, "Madam, it was New Years Eve, you were drunk, you lost your bag, and you're now trying to make us pay for your stupidity..."
Now, I'm not saying he was entirely wrong with his assumptions, but I was still angered, and also highly surprised by this as a retort from a call-centre worker, and some kid assessing my conduct and therefore my "eligibility" to have a new phone. Who was he?
Sure it was New Years Eve, SO? Does that mean that all crimes committed on New Years Eve are the victims fault, for being out? All accidents that occured not worth investigating because, "Most probably you were all just drunk?" I think not.
I didn't lose my handbag, I still have my handbag and its contents, I somehow lost my wedding ring and my mobile phone... and NO, I can't remember how exactly...
So, I try a different route with my new enemy, Micheal, to explain how "eligibility" is calculated? After several attempts of trying to remember every bit of my reading "Getting to Yes" and various other business negotiation books, Micheal-the-miserable says I need to PROVE to him I'm someone to be trusted.
Again - flabbergasted.... My this point I'm CERTAIN he is not reading the autopromt on his computer and is officially a Rogue Trader, but he also informs me I cannot be put through to anyone else, his manager is conveniently unavailable for the rest of the day, and if I terminate the call in order to ring back, he will mark me down as an anti-social customer and they will not process any claim! HHHMMMMMmmmmmmmm. Temper testing stuff....
Why do I always get the arsey ones???
So, plan C, flirting! After exactly 2.4 seconds I conclude Micheal-the-miserable is Gay!
Plan D! So I turn on my heels with this conversation and think, dirty. The hustle is on....
Micheal-the-miserable is certain he won't give me a new iPhone, and I am DAMN sure I pay mobile phone insurance for a reason and I'll be damned if I'm shelling out £500+ for a new iPhone!
"What would change your mind, dear Micheal?"
"The Police report...."
Hmmmm how does one "find" a police report, a crime reference number and find a suitable officer to help me with my (very insignificant) plan?
Police National Database, enquiries number - Yorkshire. Pot-luck would have it I get a lovely old chap on the phone who wants to try and help me, I don't lie, but try and gently explain my predicament. Phonecalls, numbers and conversations ensue, before finally a friendly chap at Birmingham Police station says he can in fact vouch for the authenticity of the claim... OK! I say...
I call back Micheal-the-miserable, and to my delight and pleasure he is duty bound to accept the fax from the nice police officer saying he does in fact have a police record on his system of a report of the said phone with said IME number and therefore... the claim can proceed.
NO. Micheal-the-miserable tells me that as this has taken me two whole days to gather the information and confirm the claim details, I am now outside their specified time-limit to make a claim! ARRRRGGGHHHH. Stay calm. Stay calm.
Round 2. He begins with a staunch, "its DOES state this very clearly, in the terms and conditions of your policy and therefore I cannot help you".... My face contorts while I try and stiffle the urge to just blow a raspberry at him down the phone... Its is very tempting! But I resist. Desperatly wanting my phone...
After much coaxing, sweet-talking, and keen persuasion, Micheal-the-miserable gives in to my final push of a personal complaint.... Turns out he has already had two, and a third would mean something with HR... Bingo!
So... I am now finally a month later after FAR too much time spent on the phone to an 084... number and completely out of rescue remedy, and Kalms, just about going to get a new phone.
Lesson learnt... Hmmmm not really. Only that I STILL hate people in call centres and insurance, and mobile phone insurance is pointless! That and don't get drunk and lose your phone!!! Clearly I'm an idiot!